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Benjy's Digest: Farewell Message |
Date: Wed, 1 Sep 1999 12:38:03 -0400
From: Benjy Eisen
Subject: BENJY'S DIGEST - THE FINAL ISSUE
"Till I'm Finally Swept Away"
About two years ago I contacted Rosemary Dean Mackintosh about taking over her Digest, which she had decided to discontinue. At that time in my life, I had plenty of free time, few commitments and read rec.music.phish religously. I also made regular posts, I reviewed Bathtub Gins, I helped inform newbies, I went after uncovering certain Phishtorical facts with the zeal of an archeologist standing on top of a buried palace. Picking up the digest seemed like a natural progression to me. I knew that it might become burdensome but I promised myself that I would give it my all for one full year. That was my goal. One year at the least. Two years at the most.
Rosemary made it through two glorious years. And while I have had the Eigest for almost as long, I can't say that it actually made it through that long. For that, I apologize. There were times when it lagged, times when -without warning or excuse- it disappeared entirely for weeks on end. It has been two months since the last Digest. For those holes, I apologize. Sincerely.
When you're in your early 20's and enthusiastic about life and saying "Yeah, yeah, YEAH!" every step of the way, you make some mistakes. You take on commitments that you might not always be able to handle, no matter how much you wish you could. You shrug off some commitments once in awhile, not thinking about the consequences. You LIVE LIFE. As I have done. And for that, I have no regrets...only lessons learned. There's so much I have learned...and so much more learning to do!
I have loved the Digest. The first year, when things ran smoothly it was a source of joy to me. Your comments and letters of encouragement were nothing short of treasure, your suggestions were like gospel. I tried to make a standardized Digest personal with "Letters from the Eigest" and little things like that. I tried creating "Special Editions". I put LOVE into every one. I'm not just saying that - I mean it. I did my best not to overlook a single post. For days on end, I read every post made to rec.music.phish...sometimes going for two or three days without coming across a single Digest-worthy one. RMP had gone downhill from when I first started reading it in '94. Sometimes I'd skip a day and found I missed twenty or thirty inspired submissions and it was days like that that kept me on my toes.
But when you're in your early twenties and trying to figure out your life, something strange starts to happen. You start to actually begin to figure things out, and to take certain steps in certain directions. You start having whole new sets of commitments that you never knew existed before and then suddenly doors start opening up in front of you and you take them without hesitating....and sometimes you're not given enough time to look back or to even wave goodbye. And maybe that is one of life's bittersweet sorrows, but you know what happens if we look back for too long? We turn to stone. So instead we sigh and cherish what we had and take what we have learned and move on. "If life were easy and not so fast..."
Dear Digest Subscribers - here is what happened. A door opened and I took it, as I have always done. I followed my heart and it led me down a path. And on that path, at one time, was a Digest. And I took it. And it led me through some beautiful gardens and revealed many many secret treasures and hidden nuggets of gold. And as I continued walking down my path, other doors opened and there were other gardens to see and lands to discover and there was magic there, waiting for me. And so I took all of them, one by one, not knowing where I would end up, only knowing that I wouldn't end up anywhere unless I kept on going, kept on moving forward, with my eyes closed and my heart open.
The path that I am on now is a natural progression from the Digest. It has helped lead me to where I am today. And the Digest itself has progressed; it has learned from my mistakes and has evolved into its Next Step. Rummaging through RMP consistently, without fail, is a task that no one can successfully do for very long by themselves. Everybody has sick days or vacation days or days when things pop up and before they know it they're out having coffee and cigarettes with a friend at 3am, talking about whatever. The point is that the Digest belongs in the hands of a group of people, not just one person. I am glad to see that that is where the new Phish.Net Digest is going. I am glad that there are people out there who have cared enough to make it happen and to pick up the slack where I left off. I am glad to see the Digest in better hands than mine.
The path that I am on now is a dream come true for me. In the past several months I have helped create, build, and run a successful music festival (Melstock99), got to be an official DJ at the Wetlands in NYC for two wild nights, grilled fillet mignons in my back yard with the Disco Biscuits, spent a month on Phish tour in a Winnebago, made the New York Times, received several inspired job offers, turned them down, and am now working out the details of a true dream job - one in which I'll be touring the country on "Benjy Tour" (including much Phish, Disco Biscuits, etc.). How insanely wonderful is that? Life couldn't be better for me, really.
And so letting go of the Digest to me represents letting go of one of the most wonderful times of my life...a period which brought me to the one I'm currently entering. Thank you for bearing with me, thank you for understanding that I couldn't always pull through and most of all, thank you for being a part of my life, always and forever.
I have let you all into my life and I'm not really saying "goodbye" - my ramblings about Zen Phishing continue to run in my column on Jambands.com ("Thie Kitchen Sink") and in the fall you'll be able to check in with me often, on that site.
I did the Digest because I believed in it, and what it aimed to do. Please accept my apology for not being able to always achieve that. I did my best. Really. And I apologize for any mistakes I made along the way - and I did make mistakes.
I wish the new Phish.Net Digest Team the best of luck. They are an outstanding group of people whom I admire, look up to, and respect. I am confident that they collectively can do for the Digest what a single person could never do. I look forward to being a reader...and a fan.
"I love the shiny music that descends from overhead."
Walk with light my friends,
Benjy Eisen
(...and thus begins a new adventure....)
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